


The Weight Of Everything

by sunflowertaetae



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, good luck reading tho, okay there's actually a lot of angst im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 20:24:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17168801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflowertaetae/pseuds/sunflowertaetae
Summary: Minho thinks Jisung let go, when all he really wanted to do was stay.





	The Weight Of Everything

**Author's Note:**

> It's 4:00 in the morning and I have to say in so sorry. This is really sad. But it gets happy. I can't write bad endings.

Jisung slid the letter under the bathroom stall. The envelope holding it scraped against the minimal dirt on the floor as the recipient gently handled it. 

Minho's tears slipped onto the parchment as he used his thumb to pry open the seal. He cried a little more at Jisung's messy scrawl on the paper. 

Jisung choked on his tears as Minho slipped his letter back, like Jisung did with his. He pulled it open and started to read. 

'So like. I don't know what's wrong with me. Probably everything. But it's not just that. It's everything. The weight of having to be me every day, talk to the same people, act like I'm okay. When I'm really not. 

And I guess that's why I'm here. The edge of everything. Existence. Life. Death. My end. 

My friends say I have a beautiful way of thinking. The way the words flow together like bubbly wine is just how I feel all the time. A little fuzzy in the edges, nothing clear enough to be real, like a dream almost tangible.

Feeling his hands as they connect, sharp, against my cheek. Normal. I haven't gone a day in my life without a beating. It's my discipline. For what, I have no idea. But, apparently I have stepped out of bounds and I need to be out back in my place. 

And I don't even know where that is. I have no home, no family that loves me. My life is an endless downward spiral staircase that disappears as you move toward the inevitable bottom. 

And no one can save me. 

They can try. Oh, many times they have. But nothing works. Not one person can pull me from drowning. 

Or so I thought. 

Then I met you. 

And I was happy. 

Temporarily, of course. 

I had you in my grasp, so close, but we never really own anyone. It is all just fantasy. 

Eyes full of stars, heart made of gold, you were the one. Han Jisung, you could've pulled me back to the surface. But here I am. Still waiting, fingertips just above the water, cold air grazing my skin. 

I slowly slip under the sea that holds my doom, no longer gasping for the air that I lost privilege to have long ago. Feet as heavy as bricks, pulling me to the ever changing bottom. Pushing and throwing, the waves toss me, my weakened body not caring. 

Han Jisung, this was one thing I asked of you. Keep my heart safe. But you let go, and now it is just as heavy as the cement blocks bringing me down. 

You're beautiful irises could've given me all the fortune I could have ever wished for. You are the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my entire life. I know it seemed like too short a time to fall in love, but I did, and it was magical. For that short time we had I was happy. Our touches were fire on ice, impossible yet burning with a passion that only we knew. The small caresses were everything to me. 

You were my world.'

Jisung sobbed. The only person he'd ever loved thought he had left him because he could. What he didn't know was that jisung couldn't leave Minho if he tried. 

Minho, however, buried his head in his knees. He needed to dry his eyes before trying to read anything. 

When he had finally composed himself, his shaky hands held out the letter in front of him as he deciphered his true love's words. 

'Lee Minho. The death of me. My love, my life. The only thing that kept me sane. And now I can't have you. We were so close to forever. One more step until paradise. I'm so sorry I had to let you go. It wasn't my choice. I would've held you forever if I was given the chance. 

But they stole me. I had to go. 

I don't think you quite understand that. You might suspect that I left of my own free will. That is not the case, however. 

It was my parents. They were frightened to see me with a boy. I had never introduced the idea to them and they were scared. 

But we've talked it out. They'll allow me to be with you. 

I love you. More than you'll ever know. It hurts to know that you'll hate me forever because I pushed you away so suddenly. I've probably scared you, like I did them. 

But we can be okay. Just come with me. We can walk into the sunset, holding hands, stay forever. Whatever you want. 

Just as long as I can have you. 

I want you, I need you. You're everything to me, and those fleeting moments we had weren't just nothing. 

They were me giving you my heart. 

You own me, my entire being belongs to you. I am yours to keep forever or to throw away. 

Whatever you want. As long as I can hold you one last time. 

You can leave me like I did you. I don't deserve you. You can throw me away because I almost did something that I regret with my whole soul. 

I'll somehow survive if you decide to leave. 

But please. I beg you. Let me hold you one last time. 

You are my world.'

Minho cried out as the knife he'd forgotten he was holding clattered to the tiled floor. He dropped the paper and staggered to the bathroom door, sobbing. He somehow grabbed the handle and got the door open. He saw Jisung crying with his back against the wall, legs crossed. He slowly got down on his knees and crawled to him. All he did was lay in his love's lap, but the action spoke thousands of words to Jisung. He carded his hand through the boy's hair, calming him. 

"Stay with me?" Jisung whispered. 

"Forever." Minho responded.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed???? I'm not really sure what to say after all that but, like, yeah. Sorry you had to read that.


End file.
